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Some
funny stories from the real world:
(15 July 1999, Alabama)
A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall,
precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was
to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order
to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum
carried him right over the railing, which he caught hold of for a few
moments before his grip slipped, sending him plummeting 24 feet to the
cement below.
The military specialist had a blood alcohol content of 0.14%, impairing
his judgment and paving the way for his opportunity to win a Darwin
Award.
(11 August 1999) A 42-year-old man killed himself watching the eclipse
while driving near Kaiserslautern, Germany. A witness driving behind him
stated that the man was weaving back and forth as he concentrated on the
partially occluded sun, when he suddenly accelerated and hit the bridge
pier. He had apparently just donned his solar viewers, which are dark
enough to totally obscure everything except the sun.
(25 May 1999, Ukraine) A fisherman in Kiev electrocuted himself while
fishing in the river Tereblya. The 43-year-old man connected cables to
the main power supply of his home, and trailed the end into the river.
The electric shock killed the fish, which floated belly-up to the top of
the water. The man waded in to collect his catch, neglecting to remove
the live wire, and tragically suffered the same fate as the fish. In an
ironic twist, the man was fishing for a mourning meal to commemorate the
first anniversary of his mother-in-law's death.
(16 August 1999, Germany) A hunter from Bad Urach was shot dead by his
own dog on Monday. The 51-year-old man was found sprawled next to his
car in the Black Forest. A gun barrel was pointing out the window, and
his bereaved dog was howling inside the car. The animal is presumed to
have pressed the trigger with its paw. Police have ruled out foul play.
(1991, Nicosia, Cypress) Under similar circumstances, an Iranian hunter
was shot to death near Tehran by a snake that coiled around his shotgun
as he pinned the reptile to the ground. Another hunter reported that
that the victim, named Ali, tried to catch the snake alive by pressing
the butt of his shotgun behind its head. The snake coiled around the
butt and pulled the trigger, shooting Ali in the head.
(August 1999, Australia) Drinking oneself to death need not be a long
lingering process. Allan, a 33-year-old computer technician, showed his
competitive spirit by dying of competitive spirits. A Sydney, Australia
hotel bar held a drinking competition, known as Feral Friday, with a
100-minute time limit and a sliding point scale ranging from 1 point for
beer to 8 points for hard liquor. Allan stood and cheered his winning
total of 236, (winners never quit!) which had also netted him the
literally staggering blood alcohol level of 0.353, 7 times greater than
Australia's legal driving limit of 0.05%. After several trips to the
usual temple of overindulgence, the bathroom, Allan was helped back to
his workplace to sleep it off, a condition that became permanent. A
forensic pharmacologist estimated that after downing 34 beers, 4
bourbons, and 17 shots of tequila within 1 hour and 40 minutes, his
blood alcohol level would have been 0.41 to 0.43, but Allan had vomited
several times after the drinking stopped. The cost paid by Allan was
much higher than that of the hotel, which was fined the equivalent of
$13,100 US dollars for not intervening. It is not known whether Allan
required any further embalming.
(22 March 1999, Phnom Penh) Decades of armed strife has littered
Cambodia with unexploded munitions and ordnance. Authorities warn
citizens not to tamper with the devices. Three friends recently spent an
evening sharing drinks and exchanging insults at a local cafe in the
southeastern province of Svay Rieng. Their companionable arguing
continued for hours, until one man pulled out a 25-year-old unexploded
anti-tank mine found in his backyard. He tossed it under the table, and
the three men began playing Russian roulette, each tossing down a drink
and then stomping on the mine. The other villagers fled in terror.
Minutes later, the explosive detonated with a tremendous boom, killing
the three men in the bar. "Their wives could not even find their flesh
because the blast destroyed everything," the Rasmei Kampuchea newspaper
reported.
(5 September 1999, Jerusalem) The switch away from daylight savings time
caused consternation among terrorist groups this year. At precisely 5:30
Israel time on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different
cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was
initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by
klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the untimely
explosions.
Three days before, Israel had made a premature switch from daylight
savings time to standard time in order to accommodate a week of Slihot,
involving pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to "live on Zionist
time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. The bombs had been prepared
in a Palestine-controlled area, and set on Daylight Savings time. The
confused drivers had already switched to standard time. As a result, the
cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering to
the terrorists their well-deserved demise.
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